Miami - Kissing Gators and Creeping Celebs

For my second and only full day in Miami, I decided to pursue my true passion once again: annoying nature. So I started the day off with a trip to the Everglades!

Fun facts about the Everglades:

• They're not actually a swamp habitat. The Everglades are a remarkably wide, slow flowing river.
• They are the only place on earth where American Alligators and American Crocodiles co-exist in the wild. The fresh water of the Everglades mixes with the salt water of the ocean, providing suitable habitat for gators (freshwater) and crocs (saltwater).
• The sawgrass that lines the river has serrated edges that can cut right through clothing. However, they only cut in one direction. Just don't run your fingers down the grass!
• They're home to fourteen endangered and nine threatened species.
• More than 350 bird species have been identified in the park.
• They're lined with cheesy competing air boat and gator show operations anywhere there's highway space. 

We pulled in to Gator Park right on time to get herded in the gift shop. Then it was on to the boat. Our guide was delightful and very knowledgeable. He spoke to the endemic and invasive plant species, the vast bird population, the threat to and recovery of the alligators, and the intricacies of the ecosystem.

Yellow Bullhead Water Lilies

Then he went really, really fast. Yeah!

We were promised gators and they delivered. First was a big momma American Alligator basking peacefully in the sun.

 

Then we found a Florida yellowbelly turtle chillin in the sawgrass.

Followed by a bunch of baby gators hanging on a log. See if you can spot them!

 

After the ride around the river, we were herded into the Gator Stadium for a demonstration of animal handling and gator wrestling. The show began with Esmeralda the Emperor Scorpion, who had to "look you in the eye to like you". Cue a hefty amount of shoving the scorpion into girls' faces.

 

Next, a lonely toad was looking for a princess that could turn him into a handsome prince. This girl was a really good sport about the prolonged make-out with a toad! I was starting to think the animal handler just did NOT like girls at this point...

 

 

Up next was a Maluccan Cockatoo, a threatened species endemic to Indonesia. She was not very cooperative and was delightfully bitey.

Last was a display of gator wrestling. I didn't get much in the way of photos as everyone jumped up to ooh and aah and block my shots. But the technique goes a little something like this: 

1. Sneak up on the gator from behind - like humans, they cannot see what's directly behind them.
2. Sit on the gator right behind it's head and wrap your hands around the end of its jaws. While gators exert an enormous amount of pressure with their bite, they are very weak in the reverse (opening their jaws).
3. Bring the gator's chin up to your chin and hold it there. You should now have both hands free.
4. Tie the gators mouth closed. Oh, did I forget to tell you to bring some rope? Well, you should do that.
5. Flip the gator on its back. Contrary to popular belief, rubbing the gator's belly is not what lulls it into complicity. When flipped, blood rushes to the gator's brain and they have inadequate circulation to drain the blood. So really, they pass out due to a mega head rush. 
6. Carry your upside down gator back to your place for some "good eatin'" as it was described.

 When the show let out, we had our own opportunity to wrastle with a gator. Or an opportunity to pay for a photo opp with a baby gator with tape on its mouth. Same diff.

I also tried to befriend all the napping baby crocs behind the electric fence. They seemed either indifferent or unconscious.

And I discovered a few more animals to bother! There was a big peacock chillin' out in a tree directly about the big gators in the sturdy cages. I hope he doesn't lose his footing some day.

Lastly, I chased around an unidentified butterfly/dragonfly like a crazy person, trying to catch a photo of it using an iPhone camera. People were definitely watching and laughing, but I showed them! If they you know, manage to stumble upon this blog, remember me vaguely, and identify the same bug I was chasing...

The bus left the Gator Park and headed back to downtown Miami, specifically to Bayside Marketplace, an outdoor mall and entertainment venue as well as a large harbour. It was here I boarded the Island Queen for my celebrity houses tour.

Mostly, I just enjoy boat rides and the fair was cheap. I have little to no interest in celebrities... Here's a couple great views of downtown Miami from the boat.

Some of the names behind the residences I remember include Elizabeth Taylor, Gloria Estevan, Sean Jean (P Diddy or whatever he's called now), and Jackie Chan. The only celebrity we saw was actually my favourite on the list - Jackie was outside sunning on his back deck and gave us a big hello wave followed by some cheesy kung fu hands. Delightful!

Diddy's place is behind the trees

There's actually a private island called Star Island which is only inhabited by celebrities. And constantly encircled by noisy tour boats. I'm not sure how I felt about the whole "invasion of privacy" themed boat ride.

I saw quite a few hungry pelicans hanging out by the bait boat on our way back into the harbour.

To wind down my busy day, I spent a while shopping the Bayside Marketplace before treating myself to a giant mojito and Cuban sandwich. The mojitos were delicious, the free concert on the stage was fun, and the old carousel was adorable.

Sip sip hoorah!